Avtar & His Take on Love
- He was Hers. They were together. They laughed and cried together. They kept themselves together. They were fused together. They died together. They’ll be remembered together.
- Inside whom love resides need not passion to feel alive.
- Passion exists because of Love. Passion cannot birth Love.
- Lack of passion does not mean Love has evaporated.
- Passion ages as ages Love.
- Love fears not death.
- Morality confuses Love.
- Morality, the enemy of Love.
- Tears cannot pollinate a flower. Night cannot marry the Sun. Lust cannot turn into Love.
- Moonlight is not for the moon to appreciate. (Think about this one)
- Women have belongings in terms of Love, whereas, men have ownership in terms of Love. Hence the unseen masked axe man in relationships.
- Belonging, the true currency of Love.
- Ownership, a dictator masked as Love.
14 march 2015
My heart often remembers you sweetheart. My desire, my destination, my love. Without you I am in a congregation of seclusion. You are the sensation, my breath. Your love was my sight. Thoughts displaced, effort made, you are my season, my promise, my music, my life. My feelings rain through pores of my being, desperate to hold you once agin in my arms.
A glance, a desperate glance. I talk about you to my mind. Frequently, a smile plasters across my face. My heart sinks in my breath. A novice. I keep myself chasing a relentless meeting by chance. Yet I know it’ll never happen. The woman has moved on.
Yours body’s subtle fragrance. It consumed and pulsed my heart. Your softness, magical, as it blew my mind apart. Your beauty, open hair, small waist. How it dried my throat. Your pert bosom, hypnotised my thoughts. One day I knew it would come. This one way street of love sure to end. Hurt, yes, unbelievably deeply hurt. Though I cherish the happiness you brought to my life.
My very own sweetheart, why is there so much hatred in your world? A heart is large, but yours so small. Encased by boundaries of darkness your world stained in vengeance. You’ve got your divorce. So now leave me alone.
In the sanctuary of my rainy Heart, thro secret walkways, you walk, silent as cloud, eluding my mind. This morning, from behind my closed eyes, ignoring my calls, hidden behind veils, you torment me. The woodland of my thoughts listen to my hushed plea, but shut their doors to all, whence the solitary prism solider visible becomes. My beloved woman walked, shattering my dreams, yet owns every memory, leaving stabbing pain, silent screams in my Soul. Oh, avtar, how do I rid her permanently from my life?
The winter celebrated death, welcoming spring flowers. I watch flowering futile life awaiting a lingering death. The waves of emotions clamour on banks, following shadowy rivulets. Lady, I know your hold on me still has not died, though like winter you’ve moved on.
Look, look into my eyes. Look into the emptiness and feast a gaze on it. Can you feel the thrill pulsing thro’ your veins? The air, tis full of my misery. Woman, at least you look happy, attached to his arm.
She came and sat. I refused to open my eyes. Why wasn’t I in deep sleep? She touched my shoulder. The evening still young. She wants to talk. Eyes open. She still the melody…takes my breath away. I heard. I nod in agreement. Bargain sealed. The deed done. She packed her things. The door pulled quietly. No more were we Us. I closed my eyes. My tears moisten my ears. Three years. I still replay the scene.
3 July 2014
The moment time stopped. You in His arms. Your lips devoured by their new owner. And I unable to move.
I once dwelled in your soft womanly eyes. Yes, it was once. And that a long time ago.
The madness of a madman came between us. He persisted. Now He owns You. I wish you both interesting times.
I could never come to terms with your sulks. So, what happened with Him? Where are those blood curling sulks now? GOD, how I hate you. Even tho’ Avtar tells me to let go.
5 May 2014
When I first saw Her, she was poetry to my soundless tune. I lived like a deer unafraid of tigers. She was the light, that ray, made me glow inside out. I, the temple, she the candle. A beauty day through to night. I, a note, a flute, a colour, a wave, the scented wind. Then unannounced she never returned. Eloped with another. To where I to this day know not. But, I still recall when I first saw her…
Nothing needs saying. Nothing needs doing. The moment has arrived. Even I realise you belong to a man. But that man is not I.
Fragrant shadows. Melting breaths. Passionate heartbeats. How I relive each moment over and again. I know you Girl, you are never returning, nor taking me back.
In a moment of my life, there was a moment. When there was just us. Now, You are You, and I just I. Two strangers on the same bed but under two different sheets.
Heart-tears flow non stop. Lonely remained have I. Thirst for you never diminishing. My love story remains incomplete.
I refuse to hate Him or Her. But, Girl, I am hurting. The hurt is deep. And I cannot cope.
I obliterated myself for you. The woman I cherished, turned me into the lonely man I have become.
The night reigns during day in my life. How, oh, how am I going to ditch this scheming bitch out of my mind?
The difficulties I hope on the next turn to leave behind. Memories containing ‘Her’ misery-caravan travelling over new land, under changing sky deems not to leave me.
This grief I hope is autumnal. This journey exceedingly hard. There were two travellers. There is but a tyrant. The owner of my sorrow. The woman I fell for.
I weep quietly. I recall our lovemaking. I recall how secure I felt in your arms. I recall your naked feet stepping quietly to make a call. I recall you telling Him how you wished to be His…I recall and relive it all the time.
I have tried, but Sweetheart, no one comes close to you.
True, we met through our eyes. Now you won’t meet my eye.
I gave my heart to a stranger, once trusted, now She belongs to another.
Was that us and our fragrance in the wind? Was that us and our song in the air? Was that us and our moment of fantasy? No, tis was my heart cupped in your hands. And where are your hands now? Fingers entwined in His hand.
My Love story reached its final destination. Divorce.
Sweetheart, I left my world for you. Besotted lover at your door. To see your face whence all sorrow fly away. I favour a glance like moth to a flame. I know it is never to be, but I still long to be yours.
Darling, to this day you are my Soul.
Beyond all hindrances. I am the secret you can’t hide. I am the voice in your heart. I am the vision in your head. I am the question. I am the answer. I dwell in your dreams. I am the sight in your eyes. Wherever you look, you see me. Now tell me, my dear wife, breaking us apart is easy as you thought.
The brief moments our eyes lived as one. Alas, the caravan of each separated along the way. Were we a tropical dream or a monsoon, or were we a beautiful dream until you went your way and I mine?
My thoughts are wrapped in your thoughts. Your female fragrance envelopes me to this day. I wonder how you are.
Distances we have moved apart. But, darling, you are right here beating in my Heart.
Now I realise this was my Love story. Yours begins with Him and this parting. I hope it is as fulfilling as you made mine. Good luck.
Once boast about intolerance of unfaithfulness were steadfast notions. Ask me now. Tolerant have I become of your affairs. I, no longer recognise the powerful man I once was. Kids have a power bending my male instincts to accommodate your loveless embraces.
I have no idea what happens to the seething anger the moment you appear. But I won’t touch you tenderly anymore. Even though you cook the food I eat.
The garden of Love I tumbled out the moment your affair took root in my mind. Woman, your new love has ripped us apart.
Nobility have I found controlling my manly rage of being a has been in your life.
Woman, I too now consider you a discarded coat.
Relationships. The world is full of them. I thought we differed. As I study I know you are an artist, a painting owned by none, belonging only to your thirst of feminine excitement. I wonder whom you snared this time?
Heretics have history. Heretic I’ve become. Heretic to our vows. Anger unable to control of His smell on you, as you fall into my arms, as if I have feelings, but, matter they not in a world full of happy deceit, encased in a make belive world created by your mind. For the sake of kids too young to understand their mother’s ‘happiness’ I tolerate being made the fool.
Sweetheart, I don’t know how to maintain our relationship. Do not I even know how to deal with the grief stripping apart our relationship. I still plead, “Why forsake all this…” Let’ call it au revoir and nothing permanent.
Sweetheart, flowers can bloom in deserts, we can mend our relationship. Though togetherness cemented us through grief, yet laying stripped naked is our relationship. If death is only au revoir, then why consider divorce permanent?
Broken apart we may be, but I consider it au revoir, not permanent.
Heart burnt all night long. The day gave no respite. You remain detached, aloof, the universe at your beck ‘n call. Procrastinating, now a caricature, as the rain of misery falls all around. But you, aloof, beautifully decked, awaiting time to exit into happiness, once bestowed on me, now owned by Him.
Keeping someone night after night as a guest marking time. Passion long laid aside. Strangers sharing co-habits, turning numb. Woman, I wonder if you also feel or torn apart is only my mind, in solitary relationship, with itself?
Wrought-iron Boutique Hotel thought I our relationship. Fashioned on Oneness, now decayed depression symbolizes your indifference to the Oneness where we once dined as One. Now, you cook and serve as I, a guest, at dinner table.
Perverse turgid. Where poetry once flowed, embroidering the coronation of our togetherness, fell apart angst on minor differences, evoking ego connoisseur reminiscent of Mediterranean Holiday Mistress musing time awaiting a permanent solution. My Dear Wife, what of us now?
My happiness hides a pain. A pain you gifted with the divorce.
Eyes are searching a harbour. Lips are seeking a reason for a smile.Will I die from the poison you left behind? After all, your memories are that vile.
The open wounds still raw. Why insist on re-opening them. What did I ever do to you? Can’t I wear my smile on my face?
Your image plastered in my mind. As if we’re still One. The feeling, it seems not all that strange. One, side by side, with One. Life, but it plays a cruel game. Suffering/happiness hand in hand. Facing truth, the reality hits home; like reading yesterdays newspaper: you choose we remain apart.
I sit gazing at the world. People all around me. And my companion, the sole tear, walks my cheek. To meet and console my weeping heart.
I gave you my heart. It remains where you flung it, by the wayside.
Why, oh why did you walk away?
The two of us, we were life. Now I just live.
We had each other. Yes, true we did not want each other. But we had each other. Then you walked away. And I am left on my own.
Rejection taught me how not to reject. Thank you for that lesson.
I still hear your voice. I still hear your laughter. I still feel you deep within my soul.
It not your words that hurt. It was your indifference. It was the feeling that you had left while still besides me. Even when present your presence was empty. It is that which hurts to this day.
I miss you so badly. It hurts.
Everything you told me stands as a lie. Every detail disrobed reveals another lie. Why did you hate me so deeply? That you lied, ripping me so deeply.
My Trust was my Honesty. My Honesty was my Openness. My Openness was my Weakness. My Weakness now stands Bleeding. A Blood-less Blood to your Memory.
Dead roses have thorns.
I remember our midnight chats. They were our dances. I still glance at my phone for one more dance.
After all this time I am still crying. But no one can see the inside where I cry. And not a way have I found to comfort the inner cry.
Your gift? The knife-less scar.
Do I still hurt? In every possible way.
You have a power over me. Your power? I ache for you.
I will never get over this hurt. It stops me from trusting as I did you. I make sure I never get over this hurt.
Nothing, even you, was worth this hurt.
If I could turn back the clock, I would check my feelings and walk by.
Endlessly you told me you slept with me in your mind, and that I lived behind your closed eyelids. So what changed when you opened your eyes?
You always said, “I would rather die in your arms then to live and never feel you again…” I suppose you use the same line on the new guys too!
To be forgotten so easily!
No one deserved to be pushed. Pushed into this fall of a floating death.
You made me love you. Then, you comfort found in the arms of another. The hurt is deep. But I remember the smile you brought to my heart. Thank you.
A heart that erases a love never loved in the first place.
I loved, but to you it was an incident.
There is a tear in my mind. How will I ever wipe it away now that I know you are no longer mine?
You were a wife to one. A lover to another. But I thought you belonged to me. Only to find I just another passing muse.
A tear escapes my eye. The silent witness of the pain you left behind.
My dream was you. Dreams too are barbed.
A broken heart unlike a broken mirror still has to function.
Love that turns into hate was never love to begin with.
You hurt me once. You’ll hurt me every time. I hope you never find me again.
I shared everything with you. Even though you loved another. Now I know just how much you belong to the other. Yet I still have to share everything with you. And I will.
The betrayal of an unconditional love simply cannot be explained.
A betrayal cannot be comforted with words or revenge.
I never make eye contact anymore in case they tell me they care.
The tears have not healed my aching heart.
Touched used and soiled by another. I can’t take you back.
For all his name and fame, his wealth and power false or true, for pity’s sake do not throw me from your heart – for I kneel at your feet even now.
You may move on, but I am still in love with you
My need remains for you, as the moon ignites the night sky
Shame on you. What do you see in him that makes you false to us? What do you see in his dark eyes and muscular arms that makes you prize us no more? Surely, you cannot call it love? The man uses women like a fountain at a spring. I may be frail in body, blind to light of laughter and lifeless in spirit. But standing before you, I am still manhood desirous of you and no one besides. I still feel the fame, the pride of power being with you..
You – you are perfect. The wealth of my being. The end of my search. The gold at the foot of the rainbow. The one woman. Tell me, how do I breathe seeing you in the arms of another?
Who is he? Another passer-by?
Go, go, my love, go let him pleasure you like I do. I will drink my fill from the memories you leave behind
No, impossible. The beauty I fought for, clutching the hand of another with care not in sight
Spirit within, heart struggling, passion urging a cry – you cannot become another’s lest I die while still alive
My power of love, what flame is this in which you bewitched me!
I burn and I burn as I watch your 4 inch heel walk away from me.
I desire to know where you were last night, though lying in my arms.
My eyes take in the summer flowers, and recall drop by drop your love for us. I have stored our memories for the long days ahead.
The history of our former self never forgotten, like a flower re-blooms humming flattery and whispering murmurs in the ears of my mind’s sky.
I bend my head, breathe in the fragrance of our flower, and dust away the tears ending another trip of a perfect moment in our endless past
This limitless without you no longer is a life
The endless meaning of fleeting moments when you were mine
The breeze caresses me. The flowers sway in the wind. Nature kisses itself. My mind, my body, my soul encased in my walking shoes waiting to die
In the depth of sleep, with intense urge I awaken and palm the sheets. My body slumbers. You still are not home. The moon has moved. Dawn anew. You have stayed out. I wonder what excuse this time.
Go, go on, leave me. I may be like the autumn leaves. But my heart still feels the pain
If living with me is eating without pleasure then why remain hungry. For I also know, I don’t want that which is not mine.
Thief, you soiled the purity of my heart with your feminine wiles.
‘Take me, take all that I am!’ I opened my heart to her, forgetting pleasure is followed by pain. Death and life merged in an unbearable emotion.
I lean with a vague smile concealing the misery the woman left behind.
My full lips, a thin shadow now, no longer raise a smile.
O woman, I concede you are the most powerful of nature’s guise; no weapons or physical strength have you, yet powerless I am before thee.
Heaven at hand. I reach out and touch. In that touch, by chance, I check your story. To learn a web of deceit. Am I a fool who fell for a woman’s charm? Oh yes I am.
Let the waves of my misery never reach thy shore; the powerless woman has ripped me asunder once more.
I weep in the poverty, yet have no curse for the long-gone woman, the prize lover whose kisses brought light to my soul.
Woman, your leaving has turned me into a deer afraid of my own shadow.
The petals of my love lay at my feet, as the woman unashamedly weeps telling me how she has always loved another.
- In the sea of devotion the faithful prove to be strong swimmers always fated to drown. In the sea of devotion the humble, opinion less and ‘I’ less although unable to swim always remain afloat.
- In the torture of my living, I was deemed the unfortunate when they all married and then divorced – I who remained unattached had won.
- The arrogant and the vain have access to me. I am the poles of the earth where nothing grows. Yet when they look into me they find my larder full to the brim.
- You may not remember me, but I cannot forget the delicate bloom that bought so much smile to my face.
- I know the whole creation is in love with me. They embrace and kiss me and shake my hand. But their hands are laden and not free.
- The warrior, the coward and the traitor. Each a hero and a villain in the same breath would gladly kill me for a price.
- You are lost in my love for you like sense’s overwhelmed by the aroma of a summer bloom.
Avtar’s long-winded quotes
- Only those who do not see the beauty of God in themselves shower others with prejudice, discrimination, and hatred.
- Two friends are walking of an evening – one is blind, the other deaf. The blind talks about the colours of the rainbow; the deaf shakes the blind by the shoulders exclaiming: “Speak louder, don’t you know I’m deaf…” Thus is the woe of those who know very little, yet know not that they know little.
- With arrogance as their staff, and scriptures firmly clasped under their arms, the parrot-renditioners exhort the scriptures – void of depth and essence- to the masses. The masses pat themselves on the back for having heard the word of God; thus intoxicated, the masses sit in summary judgement on their fellow humans.
Quotes by others
- “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye”. H Jackson Brown Jr
- “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao-tzu
- “A good friend who points out your mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he revels a secret of a hidden treasure”. Buddha
- “When I found someone like my heart: He also brought tears with him.” Meena Kumari
- “Why do you want to listen to my story: colourless tale of a joyless life.” Meena Kumari
- “You are divorcing me with rage in your eyes. Return to me, also, my youth along with the alimony.” Meena Kumari
- “She ended life. With a broken fiddle. With a broken song. With a broken heart. But not a single regret.” Meena Kumari wished this epitaph on her grave
- “Love is my greatest weakness, and greatest strength. I am in love with love. I am craving for love. I have been craving it since my childhood.” Meena Kumari
- “Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers not thunder.” Rumi
- When the student is ready, the master will appear Buddhist
- Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water – After enlightenment: chop wood carry water Zen Buddhist
- Where can I find a man who has forgotten words, so I can talk to him Chung Tzu
- Knock on the sky and listen to the sound Zen saying
- You cannot wake a person pretending to be asleep Navojo
- If you chase two rabbits at once, you catch neither Russian
- The obstacle is the path Zen
- It is easier to stand pain, but difficult an itch Chang Ch’ao
- When you get there, there isn’t a there Zen
- The tighter you squeeze, the less you have Zen
- A thousand men cannot undress a naked man Greek
- The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground Buddha
- No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place Zen
- Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; Seek what they sought Matsuo Basho
- Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but neither does milk
- Age is just a number, jail is just a room
- Fat people live short, but eat longer
- Take my advice, I’m not using it
- Silence is a girls loudest cry You can always tell she’s really hurt when she starts ignoring you
- A boy makes his girl jealous of other women A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl
- Girls work on their look not their mind because they know boys are stupid not blind
- Class is knowing what to say, when to say it, and when to stop
- Elegance is not about being noticed, but about being remembered
- A lion does not loose sleep over the opinion of sheep
- Do not argue with an idiot He will beat you with his experience
- When you judge me without knowing me, you define yourself, you do not define me
- The devil was once an angel
- How people treat you is their karma How you react is yours
- Be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words
- Forgive N forget – Forgive yourself for being awfully stupid and forget you ever existed
- For those who judge you let them walk in your shoes, so they know and understand
And best of all, my quotes on UK Police:
- Asking police to investigate themselves is like asking a female baboon on heat if adultery classes should be taught in schools
- WPCs on the beat in the UK behave like teenager girls who have just heard playground gossip that there is something called an orgasm
- Prunes wrapped in prostitutes on toothpaste (re: UK police racism/corruption)